What beauty is in there to hold on to your childhood? To hold on to something which is gone, is to "be the native of No Land". People say they don't want to grow up, they want to be still a kid they were. But what good will it do? Beauty is in to flow with the current. If you are on a journey and , childhood was a beautiful country, why you want to stuck up there, the next station may be as beautiful as the last was.
When I was still a teen, friends would tease as to, oh you have become an aunty ; ah what crap! you want to marry ; oh there is no fun to celebrate at home.. and so and so... pub, dance, drink, hang-outs, movie, multiplexes, chatting, messaging were the highlights and of course " I want to make a boy friend was a pet dialogue". But would it seem proper to behave the same when you are twenty two?
At the beginning of my teen, I was almost rebellious and my pet dialogue was-" I hate society". If society thought I should dress up like a girl, I would wear faded jeans and take a boy-cut hair style. At the end of my teen, I thought, the youth is superb, it should never end, I wanted to be as Ir-Responsible, as Careless , as 'Never-Mind' as I can. I craved for an Escape. My fantasies knew no bound. I counted experiences as I counted friends. I wanted More and More and More of all things under the sun. At one moment, I wanted to Live fullest, and just another, I wanted to Die. I suffered from mood-swings. But still, I wanted to be a Girl and I thought Marriage would end it all, staying with parents will kill my Freedom.
And then there came a moment. I don't know when it came. I can't exactly trace it. But it came slowly and only right now I can talk about it. I couldn't even tell or rather admit this to my friends that now a days, I feel like a woman. Why? What changed? How it happened? All of these questions can be clubbed into one question - What being a woman is for me?
So, What being a woman is for me?
Being a woman is like being a mother. It happens. It is a subtle thrilling feeling. It is miraculous. You become aware of your Wholeness. Remember, 'whole' comes from the same root as 'holy'. You don't care about the contrary opinions. You just listen to them and being unable to make them understand, you just smile and go on. Being a woman doesn't mean you have grown old, dull or boring. But you have opened yourself to the new experiences. It only happens to those who flow with current. Who do not cling to anything 'good or bad'. Who are Natural like trees who do not stop to grow taller or become fatter, like river who do not say, I don't want to run out of this city. Being a woman is, to humbly accept the responsibilities. And certainly, a woman's responsibilities are much more than hat of a man. A man can, to some extent, afford to be irresponsible but a woman can not.
A woman is made differently. A man can experience only a few body reactions inside, but to a woman, a whole new world opens up inside. To, what is considered Impurity from Divinity , she experiences all inside her. For me being a woman is, to have immense faith, devotion, tolerance and patience. Only a woman can take all into her being and still have her integrity. When a girl realizes her woman-self, she turns into the most graceful being.
